Embracing Change: From Motherhood to Regrowth
I have always wanted to pen down my journey about the sentimental phenomenon that every mom goes through since the moment she finds out that she is growing an embryo inside her womb to letting her vulnerable child enter this harsh world as a young adult.
In my opinion, it is the most difficult task for a mom to let her child venture on their own, the step by step process of stripping a mom of her duties is just very emotional. This feeling is so bitter-sweet because a mom wants her child to become self-sufficient and mature yet at the same time, she wants them to depend on her for their needs. As this dependence gradually fades with age, she may or not feel insecure, less wanted and depressed altogether.
Being a doting mom myself, I have always looked forward to spending time with my off springs. No matter what my commitments are, I always try to take out time for my children, to look after them and love them whole-heartedly but, as these responsibilities started to decrease because my kids grew up and became adults, I became more sad and somehow started to feel alone and empty nested. However, loving and attentive my husband is towards me, I still feel a void when my kids aren’t around, I feel a sense of being incomplete without them like I have to learn to grow into my own person once more.
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I can still feel the happiness and excitement I had experienced at the birth of my first born. I think that the emotion on becoming a parent for the first time always stays with you and that child is always a source of delight for his/her parents, like my daughter was for me. No matter the age or distance that child always remains a source of merriment for his/her parents as the other children also continue to grow and repeat this growth cycle with the parents.
Holding a baby’s tiny hands and feet just leaves you with an undeniable sense of euphoric contentment and unexplained yet infinite happiness. The first time you feed your baby, the first time you see them open their eyes and smile at you, the first time you hold them in your arms are all impressions that last an entire lifetime.
[bs-quote quote=”As your children grow up and slowly move away to pursue their unique paths in life, they may forget this connection but, a mother never does. ” style=”style-17″ align=”center” color=”#dd0000″ author_name=”Mehreen Saqib ” author_job=”Blogger & Influencer”][/bs-quote]
Similarly, my second baby girl came unexpectedly, but her cutest face and smile stole our heart, it was like we were holding an angel in our arms. She gave us pleasure and feelings of accomplishment like never before, turning me and my husband into parents of two delightful dolls gifted by God to us. Then after a period of almost 11 years God gifted me with a son, who completed my family as a whole.
My girls were ecstatic to have a baby brother to look after as they were quite mature and grown up themselves and were well able to do his little chores eagerly. For me, it was a new feeling of being a mom all over again, having my daughters nearing their teens they were able to carry out most of their tasks themselves, so now I felt like I had a new purpose in my life – looking after the tiniest new member of our family.
A mother always yearns for her kids’ love and attention, as she is by nature made in such a manner. Be it a celebrity mom, a royal princess, a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, all have motherly instincts in them. Look at the animals around you, their female species can always be found looking out for their off springs.
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Globally, we can also observe the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, as a very doting mom for her little royal babies. I find her very inspiring for her commitment to her country, her in laws, her work and even her children, which all seems to be well balanced from an outsider’s view.
Her love for her children is very evident through her eyes and body language, despite the extremely demanding routine she may have to follow being in the limelight as a member of the British Royal family. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge stand as a happy and merry family.
There is a pattern that follows in raising up the kids and performing their duties and these are the feelings that keep a mother alive and active in this world. Passing many stages alongside my children I got to experience many mixed emotions, sometimes happy and dejected, sad and often angry, even excited, that I fall short of words for expressing myself.
Starting with the time when my infants slept and lay in my lap all the time, when they crying everytime they needed my attention [I had loved that part of motherhood the most], I felt so desired and proud of myself for being useful to my own flesh and blood. One feels so responsible in raising and bringing up the individual that came into this world because of you and depend entirely on you for their needs.
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Then there’s a small transition in a baby’s body movements when they start sitting independently, turning sides on their own, can utter small words to express their needs. When this happened I shifted my babies from my bed to their baby cots, which was the first big step ahead for me as I let go of my infant from my side to the other side of my room.
[bs-quote quote=”During the early nights I had to wake up after every hour to see how my baby is sleeping or if she needs anything. Even though it was very tiring for me and I had dark circles below my eyes but I simply couldn’t sleep soundly.” style=”style-17″ align=”center” color=”#dd0000″ author_name=”Mehreen Saqib” author_job=”Blogger & Influencer “][/bs-quote]
It wasn’t as if my babies weren’t equipped to sleep on their own, but that I couldn’t sleep comfortably without them beside me.
One of the most accomplished phase is when your child takes their first baby steps, a parent feels out of this world, as he feels responsible for helping his child in walking on his own. For a mother like me, I felt both happy and a bit sad, as now my baby would no longer require my lap, he/she will be independent, venturing on his/her own and would ultimately move away from us. Since that moment on, a mother starts feeling insecure because she starts to realize that her kid will become a self-sufficient and a free thinking individual.
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The next big step for me came when my daughters turned into teenagers, and I had to shift them to their own rooms, with their individual cupboards, and their separate space(s). However, this was the phase they anticipated and were excited the most for but, for me it was a sad sight seeing my kids going to another room. Although I felt really happy for them and anticipated the interior decoration [their room, their beds and walls], yet inside I was feeling torn as if a part of me is getting separated.
It took a couple of months and my daily night visits to check on them if they were comfortable or required anything. But eventually, I got used to them being settled in their rooms. However, I missed picking out their clothes for them I had to let them decide, as being teenagers their choices were evolving and they wanted to do experiment everything on their own, on their own terms.
This is also one of those feelings which make a mother less occupied, and some do feel elated, and they should as it’s a very positive step of their lives, but I feel that inside a void starts building up.
[bs-quote quote=”It is this time when a stay-at-home mother must start indulging herself into something and start occupying herself in some activity so that the void starts filling up soon and she overcomes that feeling of uselessness and loneliness.” style=”style-17″ align=”center” color=”#dd0000″ author_name=”Mehreen Saqib” author_job=”Blogger & Influencer”][/bs-quote]
If a woman was working or pursuing a hobby that she left because of her pregnancy and her kids, I would suggest now is the time to start picking up those lost pieces of your life because ahead are more life changing moments awaiting.
REMEMBER: It is better be prepared and equipped to face heart breaking and life challenging moments in the form of kids going abroad for studies or getting married and moving into their own place.
When kids are no longer called children, they detach themselves from their parents not in any bad sense, rather it’s a natural phenomenon that every parent and their kid has to go through, because they wish to pursue their own dreams and life goals. This is the time when they have their own places, their own rooms, their own beds, their own space and their own interests. Their activities and hobbies are different, they like to listen to different music than yours, like to watch different movies the whole night, carry on adventurous diversions for themselves and venture with something new on their own.
Being a mom you must carry a big heart on your sleeve since you are the one who is going to give your family the confidence and courage to carry on with such campaigns and/or occupations. It is you who will always have to play a major role in their lives no matter how far or how adventurous they are, they will always need your support and advice.
[bs-quote quote=”You must pull yourself up to meet such challenges laid out by your kids and accept the natural cycle that God has created for all of us.” style=”style-17″ align=”center” color=”#dd0000″ author_name=”Mehreen Saqib” author_job=”Blogger & Influencer”][/bs-quote]
As a mother of young adults, now I clearly understand what my parents must have had to go through whilst observing the changes in me and my siblings: from our births to our getting married and becoming our independent persons.
Now I can feel the pain and patience of my parents when they must have waited for me to visit them, when I was no longer a regular habitant of my birth home and only a casual guest who may visit for a few hours.
Now my house is just the same. As a mother of young adults ready to experience the world anew, the physical structures and rooms may be the same but, it is increasingly becoming devoid of my kids’ laughter, their silly fights and childish jokes, my disciplining them for doing something they should not have done such as spoiling my room.
They are grown ups now. They have their own activities to pursue, their own life choices and decisions that need to be made. I just know when they come and leave and that feeling leaves me behind a very sad, and incomplete soul. I can always hear their footsteps and low whispers and I find comfort in knowing that they are happy individuals who have started conducting their own lives.
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I, as an empty-nester have to move forward for myself and for my kids as well. For keeping myself well rooted and stable, I will continue looking after them though it might be in little bits but, that feeling will never entirely dissipate. God has created such a cycle for every mom, and He has also given us the capability to move on with this tender love burning inside us till our last breath.
REMEMBER: It might be very hard for a person to accept the empty-nest phenomenon and feel deprived when we have tasted the fruit that is the love for a child but, a mother’s love for her tiny tots, is undoubtedly the greatest of all, unparalleled by any other connection.
My message for mothers all around would be to keep yourself strong and be a source of strength for your children, keep your individuality and sanity at the same time. Emotions and sentiments used in a positive manner will become your strength too and being close with them will make them your source of strength rather than your weakness.
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