“My life is full of circles, or you can say maze, one way linked with another one, and when we think the end is near, here we go again in the start of the race. The race of life.” Captain Shahzeb was speaking with a strong heart and tearful eyes.
I met him at an official dinner, he is my husband’s coursemate. A very humble and respectful person. But the eyes speak a lot, in fact, sometimes they shout. After dinner, my husband invited him over for a cup of tea at our place. And that’s how I came to know about the story behind his eyes, the unheard one.
“That was my first day in that van, I was a college boy, and adultery just hit me. I was handsome and shy as well. There was a girl who goes in the van, she was a university student. Two or maybe three years older than me.” His eyes were sparkling.
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I can clearly see his love for her still in his eyes. Maybe love is a thing that makes you cry and laugh together. Sounds insane. Love is crazy.
“Days passes and she tried to talk to me too, as I said before I was shy so I didn’t respond much. It was awkward. I have never even talked to my female cousins before because there was an age gap and also from where I belong, the culture really is strict upon these things, talking to the opposite gender. Ahhh…. after two months, she added me on Facebook. We started talking. Firstly, I was hesitant but afterward, I was getting addicted to her. If she comes online late even for a few minutes, my heart felt like it’s stopping.”
The pain in my heart
The smile on my face
It’s all her –
It’s the gift from a lost lover
“She was crazy for army and soldiers and I was crazy for her. So after my college, I decided to join the army for her. But my parents wanted me to be an engineer. I got admission in UET Lahore and she was unhappy with that. She started ghosting me. But I was madly in love with her. I gave the test and when I got the ISSB my semester’s final exams came. I left my finals for her and got rejected by ISSB by fate. I still remember her words ‘got yourself in the army or I’ll just marry an army officer’…. It is really painful seeing your lover talking about someone else. And because of what? This uniform? Which now I wear daily.”
There was complete silence but silence has its own noise. The silent tears were making their path on Captain Shahzeb’s face. His soul was screaming and the night was scary.
“I dropped out of my university because of her, I applied to another university and didn’t tell my parents about it. She was unhappy with me and didn’t talk to me. I was madly in love with her. Like diabetic person craving sweets. Like Romeo dying for Juliet. I then decided to join the army at any cost but I had only a last chance remaining. I put my 100% and left the university again for preparation. I cleared my initial tests and got a letter for ISSB. She said to then ‘It’s your last chance to clear this or you’ll lose me forever’. I guess I already lost her at that time”.
Thinking about the past does not always give you happiness, mostly it’s painful and heartbreaking. You don’t want to think about it but that’s your un-separate-able part of life.
“I got a recommendation letter, and I was happy that she is going to be mine forever. But here comes the fate part, when I got back home and open Facebook, she posted a picture of her as a mehndi bride. Oh yes! She was actually not waiting for me. She got married to an army officer. I almost died that day. But can’t lose my parent’s trust in me. So I joined the army.”
“I have never stopped thinking about her nor have I tried to contact her. Why would I disturb her peaceful and happy married life? She is a mother of two, she is happy so I’m happy. But she betrayed me and killed me. Can I ever forgive her? I don’t know.”
Loving a materialistic person is like suicide, but aren’t we all materialistic? So we all are dead. Maybe yes. We all are dead and now we are living in hell.
“I saw her, after many years. Today at dinner. I was your guest but didn’t know that destiny has other plans. I was standing right behind her when she was meeting two of you (me and my husband).”
We got shocked. And curious also.
“Yes. She is your CO’s wife. Mrs. CO”, and he started crying like a child. As if someone snatched the favorite toy from a child.
Love is a lie
Love is a game
Or maybe a shadow of darkness
Or I prefer to say
Love is a maze
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