Social media influencers prompt discussion on ‘ugly side’ of desi weddings

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Twitter thread prompts discussion on 'ugly side' of desi weddings

Jan 7, 2022: In a country where weddings are all about families coming together, warmth, joy, and jovial celebrations, there is a side to the festivities that has in recent times come under debate on various platforms.

In Pakistan, the seeminly never ending wedding season seems to be the only excuse for people to avoid the hardships of their boring lives. Yet from a financial point of view, this culture of over-the-top marriages could not possibly be more debilitating.

Though the discourse on the sheer expense of the affair isn’t a fresh idea, social media users are now using the bigger platforms to constantly question and reflect on the futility of some of the more exhorbitant aspects. As the online presence of an individual rises, so does the competition to outshine other brides on their day big day, and to this end, brides to be will invest vast amounts in everything from makeup, photographs, props and even stunts.

The dispropotionate human cost to the weddings is borne by the women, who must go through all of the gruelling stress of preparing for the wedding, choreograph the dances, manage many of the events and still look stunningly beautiful while doing it all.

This is also perhaps because it is women who are usually bothered with perfection in the tiniest detail and while they may hide their motives citing cultural legitimacy, most women who choose such exhorbitant affairs make it clear that they want to have what the rest of the world considers an elaborate wedding. I short, they want to impress their peers.

On the one side there are guests that are criticizing the event and what could have been done better while on the other is a tired, over thinking bride who is constantly obssessing over all the tiny details

The bridal ensemble or “jora” is understandably one of the most important highlights in the bridal routine and so the pursuit of perfection reaches the zenith with sky being the limit on how much is to be spent. The dress is adorned with everything from tiny birds to floral arrangements and must be exhausively covered and exquisitely worked to meet the demands of the wearer and those in attendance.

This type of unhealthy competition not only perpetuates the stigma around marrying outside one’s social class – a continuous reality in desi culture, it makes life stressful for the new couple even when they are socio-economically evenly matched. This race to outperform peers is against everything that marriage is supposed to symbolize.

Despite the recent resurgence in people questioning the need for these expenses, unfortunately, there seems to be no movement in the works aimed at slimming down the burgeoning expense of weddings and the belief that they are acceptable even necessary polite cultural behaviour.

With notables in elevated business, entertainment and political circles flaunting their wealth with a stream of never ending festivities, the national social conscience feels even more justified on splurging their life savings within such a short span of time. Compared to an average wedding in a western country, a wedding in Pakistan usually amounts to tens of times the average national income of the country.

A Pakistani wedding has multiple events that typically stretch over a week, as opposed to other cultures that have just one reception. That alone ratchets up the costs considerably.

The old financial science edict is especially applicable to Pakistani weddings: people spend money they do not have to buy something they do not need to impress people they do not like. Having said that, it is unfair to assume only Pakistani society is vulnerable to these extravagant and at times vulgar displays in the name of sentiment. This remains a global phenomenon where the family and the couple strive to continuosly out-do their peers in planning weddings and the social circle of attendees continues to be spoilt with increasingly bizzare displays of wealth in novel and unique wedding stunts.

But from this bleak landscape, hope glimmers from the collective conscience of the growing class of urban professionals, particualry women who may simply not have the time or energy to spare from their careers to have a traditional series of ceremonies.

To quote an example, in a recent discussion thread, Bissmah Mehmud (@bissmahmehmud), a communications specialist based in Islamabad took to Twitter to highlight a common problem among many a future bride in Pakistan. She talks about a friend who took a loan of Rs. 10 lakhs to buy a bridal dress for herself and how the friend intends to keep the dress because of its sentimental value.

Bissmah further added that she likes to ‘splurge’ too but on items that she can wear ‘at least 50 times.’

Here’s to hoping some sanity emerges from this mish-mash of culturally imposed imperatives and socially vulnerable individuals whose only hope of getting accepted is through an insane display of wealth.

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