Bearing Witness: In Conversation with God
It is 2021
We are about to enter the last ashara (final 10 days) of the sacred month of Ramazan. These are the blessed nights in which night prayer in particular is encouraged. I am wondering what I should recite.
It is 2013.
My dada – J.A Zaman – (Allah ta’ala jannaton mein rakhain) is lying in bed. I’ve shared this bed with him on many nights. Mostly these were nights when Tariq chachu was out of the city. With chachu gone, dada felt more secure with one of his grand children in the room. How blessed I am for the time we shared.
Alhamdulillah.
This bed is soon to become his death bed and dada knows it. He had been told by his doctor some months ago, against the will and advice of his children, that he has a few months to live. He senses the end is near.
How have I deduced this? It is evident by his frequent calling out to God. He addresses Him directly from his bed. He speaks to Him. Most often asking for Him to open the doors of His Mercy.
It doesn’t matter who is or isn’t in the room.
It is Him and His Lord.
In direct conversation.
Distressed and increasingly helpless at this sight, one day one of his children suggests that we sit by his bed and read the 3rd kalima. And so we start off. Less than a minute into recitation, dada is quite visibly irked. He orders us to stop.
In his final days, he does not want any ‘wazifa’ to be recited. He doesn’t want robotic incantations. There is no need for a formulaic recitation. He wants ‘salat’ with God.
He wants ‘connection’.
It is 2016
I am inside the masjid-e-nabawi. I am here to offer the afternoon prayer in congregation. To my right, is a shabby looking middle aged man. He is presumably Arab.
Imam: Allah hu akbar – God is Greater (than anything we can imagine).
And so the prayer begins.
I clear my mind and try to focus. All is going well until we sit in tashahudd mid-prayer. As we sit before God, I can hear my fellow worshipper audibly speak to God. He is presenting his case to his Lord – pleading to him in Arabic.
His gestures are exaggerated and are hence distracting. I am irked at his lack of adb as I am sure are a few others around him. But he is oblivious. He is completely focused on his conversation with God.
Back in 2021
If you’re Muslim and on WhatsApp, chances are that you’ve received well-meaning messages from fellow Muslims earmarking Qur’anic verses or special words to add to your prayers.
I have received such loving and insightful messages too. And while I recite the words that are shared, I think of my neighbor in worship at the prophet’s mosque (PBUH)
When I think of him, I am no longer annoyed. I pray for Him and for the ability to be more like him – to be able to shut out business matters, chores, and all things random in His Presence; to be able to connect with Him; articulate my hopes, hurt, needs, desires, fears, failings, regrets, insecurities….everything – no matter how deceptively big or seemingly insignificant – and to place them in His Loving Lap. In short, to be able to converse with Him in my health, like Dada did in his last days.
وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِى عَنِّى فَإِنِّى قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِى وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِى لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.”
(QS. Al-Baqara 2: Verse 186)
فَاذْكُرُونِىٓ أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوا لِى وَلَا تَكْفُرُونِ
“So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me.”
(QS. Al-Baqara 2: Verse 152)
“Those who forget will be destined to remember”
Pearl Jam.
“Aik tu aik tera khuda
Woh bolay mujhay bata
Tu nay mujh say baatain keen?
Nahin re nahin”.
Ali Zafar
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