When my husband passed away a decade ago, I was among the lucky ones with a caring & responsible brother-in-law who ensured his late brothers dues (a partner in business) were duly sent. I did not face the economic issues most women end up facing.
But there were multidimensional problems nonetheless. Our son just turned 14 had lots of friends mushrooming out of nowhere. “Friends” who thought, as per Punjabi culture, that this kid was now head of the family, as per tradition, responsible for finances. Everyone came after their pound of flesh.
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Unfortunately, their plans failed in face of a mother who stood behind him as his legal guardian. Building a relationship with him was a long process, as he was always closer to the parent he had lost. The “friends” tried to create as many misunderstandings as possible between us, to get what they want. It was a long-drawn-out battle. One that really near destroyed my nerves. Eventually and none too soon, they drifted away.
Life for me changed. In every way it could have changed. With no immediate family on ground barring my ailing 84-year-old mother, I faced advances of assorted men. I realized, that without a husband, I am simply seen as someone who can be approached. No matter what my upright reputation. When I shared this with an old friend, he quietly said, “Yasmeen the sad reality is in Punjab a woman who is nobody’s wife, most want to make her theirs.” Of course, not legally.
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Not to say there were not proposals- that is completely honorable, but I had bigger battles to fight. For my family. Somewhere along these battles, I lost my laughter I lost my softer side. The love of life. Being stern became my second nature. One thing I promised my late husband, no matter what, anyone looking at my house, will be destroyed. I did what needed to be done.
My daughter older to her brother by 4 years and just admitted to the law college when her father passed away, told me she will take her father’s name forward. She did. A career gold medalist-she topped law from the University of London in 180 countries, with individual subject world tops. She is doing outstandingly well in her legal profession.
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She was the one who could feel my grief of losing my soul mate. Our roles were reversed. She became my caretaker. Her vibes get mixed with my husband-the same love, unconditional sacrifice. Putting me above everything.
The loneliness I’ve come to accept. Though it does not make it easier. I lost friends because there was too much on my plate to deal with. Sometimes, one misses talking to one.
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The writer is a lawyer, academic and political analyst. She has authored a book titled ‘A Comparative Analysis of Media & Media Laws in Pakistan.’ She can be contacted at: yasmeenali62@gmail.com and tweets at @yasmeen_9
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Credit must be given to Ms. Yasmeen to adjust so successfully after the sudden expiry of her husband.
Bringing up two gown up children and looking after her ailing mother with patience is not an easy task
but she fulfilled it with courage and fortitude. Unnecessary interference in the private life of a widow
by some men is strongly condemned. No doubt she is a role model for countless other widows
in our society.
Commendable will and steadfastness to face and overcome the horrendous problems after sad demise of young husband!