Marriage Box: Takes Understanding, Intimacy, Friendship, & Respect

Marriage is a beautiful bond where spouses love, respect, and care for each other. Understanding, intimacy, friendship, and respect for each other’s interests form the basis of this beautiful bond. Let us assume that marriage is an empty box. This box does not offer spouses love, respect, appreciation, and affection. Spouses need to put it in the box by building it from zero.

Nikkah is a beautiful bond and Allah does invoke love once one gets nikkahfied but marriage cannot survive on mere love only. Both partners need to put care, appreciation, and most importantly respect for each other in that box.

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The problem with our society is that most men believe that marriage is all hard work for the wife only. Sadly it is not true. Just because our societal norms and stereotypes are majorly bigoted doesn’t mean that only a wife needs to respect a husband. A husband is equally responsible for giving her due respect. Respect comes before love. Our society tends to normalize the wrong deeds of men by declaring them ‘men are just like that’. On the other hand, if a woman is all good except for just maybe a single trait, she would get bashed.

I truly believe in the virtues of patience and sacrifice and I know it is a woman who has to compromise majorly but putting all burden on her mere shoulders is definitely not justified.

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No other religion has given women more rights than Islam but it is unfortunate that our societal norms just highlight men’s rights and overshadow women’s rights by labeling them as not contrasting with our taboos and stereotypes.

The major problem with the egoistic man of our society is his double standards. He wants a beautiful, educated, up-to date and decent (putting up altogether) girl for marrying but right after getting married, he wants her to give up on all her choices. He wants her to mold as per his choice but he is not ready to give up on a single choice of his own. This is not how marriage works.

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A lot of people may murmur deep inside that this is how eastern marriages have been working in our society for a long time but I have to say that such marriages survive on patience, sacrifice, and giving up on favorite choices just by women.

Perhaps a woman has no choice but to let go of those who burned holes in her heart. A woman is strong but not in the ways most men think. She loves more than she ever gets back and she knows it and yet, she loves anyway.

Marriage is beautiful provided both mates try to keep the sanctity of the relation. It is a struggle but by both ends. Times are changing and now a lot of stereotypes and notions are breaking thankfully.

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Mothers need to teach their sons to respect their wives instead of telling daughters-in-law their own struggles and to take their sons as they are and still be thankful for having bestowed upon by their diamond-like sons.

Both spouses need to remember that without respect, support, help, and trust, love is lost. We all are different and unique so for a successful marriage, both partners must agree to disagree and reach compromises for each other. Spouses must work together and the marriage will never get off the ground.

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This Opinion has been submitted by Hadia Rahman. She is an International relations Scholar by education; former news anchor; an academician, freelance host, and writer by profession; environmentalist at heart. She tweets @hadiarah

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